It is in the sights

As finals week draws near I am amazed that my first semester of seminary is almost over.  The time has flown by and I have much to be thankful for.  First and foremost I am thankful to my family who have endured major change in their life over the last 3  months.  I am indebted to my cousin Jessica and her husband Donald who provide me with shelter when I am in Atlanta.  I was grateful before but my gratefulness expanded this week when Jessica was sick and I stayed in Woodstock with my Aunt and Uncle.  This had been my original plan and I am so thankful that they suggested I ask Jessica and Donald about staying with them.  I always love my time in Woodstock.  It's comfortable and familiar.  The Side porch is a place of Solace and the setting of many great conversations and a lot of fun.  However, my Woodstock experience has been limited to the immediate vicinity of Woodstock.  Any adventures outside of Woodstock toward the Atlanta area have always afforded me a chauffeur and no anxiety.   This week changed that as I ventured to Emory via I-75 with the goal of an 8:00 AM arrival.  I learned this meant leaving between 5:30 and 6:00 in the morning.  I am not one that minds long drives.  I have learned to appreciate the time as time to catch up on reading through audio books or to catch up on phone calls or to just be quiet and listen.  However, none of that is possible when you are traveling I-75 between 6:00 AM and 9:00 AM or between 4:00 PM and 7:00 PM.  All senses must be on alert.  There are cars to your front, to your left, to your right and to your rear.  There are cars in your mirrors and in your blind spots.  Looking for your blind spots means taking your eyes off the car in front of you which is liable to stop at any moment.  That kind of intense, careful driving, I am not made for.  I have a new appreciation for My Uncle who does this dance every day.  My dance card is full thank you very much. 

I am also in deep appreciation to my Uncle Stan who is taking care of David 50 % of the time and that has turned out to be a blessing in many more ways than one.  His patience, understanding and skills can not be matched and have made an impact on all of us. 

My parents are present to pitch in for David and have rescued my dilemma of child care finals week as Stan is going on another mission to Cuba which I would never ask him not to do.  that is his Passion, he must live it. 

My housemate and best friend of 19 years has been the super trouper having her life altered completely through no choice of her own.  She has been there to find solutions for my kinked up back as my body adjusts to doing things differently, she has provided financial support and she has been patient with me when all she gets to see is the back of my head staring at a computer for days on end. 

My brothers and sisters tolerate my I'm bored and need to talk to somebody calls when I am traveling. 

Friends have been supportive both financially and emotionally. 

I have been blessed with new friends for the journey as well. 

I have a greater understanding of the Old Testament with a professor rich with passion.  I have a new found interest in archeology.  I can actually read philosophy and understand it a bit better.  I have had a blast studying intentional communities, and I better understand why I am committed to and have a love for the United Methodist Church. 

I find myself still puzzled about the Global Church with my mind in tension between love and relevance.  I find myself intrigued by all the different worship practices I have been exposed to. 

While I am looking forward to the month long break for my mind, I am also anxiously anticipating the next part of this journey.  My focus from December-January will be on my ordination candidacy and getting through that work book so I can get my psychological done.  That will be my vocational focus.  My primary focus will be lots and lots of time with my family!  I can't wait! 

Hell Week, Seminary Style

Fraternities and Sororities have nothing over on Seminaries when it comes to Hell Week.  This was it.  Hell Week 2012 for Candler School of Theology.  Mid-Term.  That week in which you have a midterm take home due that is 12 pages long, a mid-term covering 1500 years of history, an Old Testament Quiz, a 10 page paper due.  It is that week in which students begin questioning the wisdom of coming to seminary, wondering if they are really cut out for this kind of academia.  It is that week when the newness has worn off and parts of the Bible are being read that get looked over in Sunday School and from the pulpit.  You know the ones.  Passages that tell you to take your disobedient children to the city gate and have them stoned to death.  Those passages that reflect a patriarchal, male dominant, female enslavement/ownership society in which women are viewed as property the punishment for rape is a virtual slap on the wrist.  Some students wonder who this God is.  They have never heard such things and they question their faith in ways they never thought possible.  There are long faces, tired face.  There are weakened immune systems and trips to the clinic or the hospital.  Let us not forget all the Wives, husbands, children and significant others who have become seminary widows, widowers and orphans over the past week.  We entered our own wilderness.  It's easy to look back at our different Egypts and think we were better off there.  It is easy to forget all the divine interventions that brought us to this exact place headed towards our promised land.  We listen to the song of Moses and we wonder if we are with the God who wounds or the God who heals, the God who gives life or the God who takes life.  Then we see moments of Grace such as a professor extending a deadline.  We get emails from professors assuring us that if we did poorly on the midterm there is a way to recover.  We are encouraged by our fellow travelers on the journey.  We remember.  We remember what/who brought us here and we remember why.  Keep those things fresh in your hearts and memories and know that God is with us, ever present in the wilderness, ready to bring us into the promised land. 

On the home front:  We averted a massive tragedy yesterday.  I entered the house when I got back to North Carolina.  Leigh Anne was out on the lawn mower mulching leaves.  I set down my bag and begin the process of doing laundry.  I was tired and my head was pounding.  I heard a loud buzzing noise in the house.  It sounded like something could blow up any minute.  I checked the water heater, no not that.  I checked the air conditioner, it's unplugged.  I turn off all the electronics in the room, still loud buzzing noise.  I turned off the lights.  Still loud buzzing.  What could it be.  I went and got Leigh Anne reluctantly off the lawn mower.  She thinking I was being silly came into the house and once she heard it she too  became alarmed.  She rechecked everything I had already checked and we deduced that the only other thing it could be was the gas heater.  She went outside and turned the gas off to the house.  I very cautiously and with fear turned off the gas valve inside the house.  Both of us expecting an explosion any second.  The flame went out, nothing exploded and the buzzing continued.  We knew the sound was coming from near the door way.  Was there something going on with the electric meter.  Leigh Anne turns off breakers, the buzzing continues.  Is something in our walls, has someone planted a bomb.  The possibilities continue to grow until I pick up my duffel bag and realize the buzzing is coming from within.   Did someone plant a bomb in my duffel bag.  This is a crazy world.  Then at once we both recognize the buzzing as the electric razor in my makeup kit which had been inadvertently turned on when I threw my bag on the ground upon arrival home......Life resumes. 

Break from Reality

You get a little extra blogging this week simply because I'm in the middle of doing 2 months of documentation from work and I need a break from reality right now.  I'm so full that I could be sick which has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world.  I think I would rather have a hangover than to have a food hangover.  Tried out a new (to me) place tonight.  My friend Aryn states she can smell it from her house and has been wanting to try it out.  When I told Jessicuz where I was going she confirmed that the food is as good as it smells.  So, out the door I headed to meet Aryn at Fox Brothers barbecue.  The lack of parking further confirmed the anticipation of a good meal and they did not disappoint.  Pulled pork, ribs, mac and cheese and cornbread dressing that I later found out was Jalapeno cornbread dressing which would explain the heat in the bites.  The meat fell off the bones and there was a lot of it.  I brought half the meet home to Donald. Still, I am so full 3 hours later that i think I would vomit if I put another thing in my mouth, even drink. 

I suppose you could say it was a celebration meal or a lament meal depending on how you look at things.  We got our first Exam back today.  My grade was what I suspected it to be but nonetheless I was not happy about it and want to do better.  Nonetheless another new friend, Zeb, reminded me via his blog that it's not about the number but about learning "new ways to engage with our God and with the communities God lovingly sets us in."  This reminded me of my Uncle Stan's advice a couple of weeks ago when he told me how he and his wife had told their professors their last year in seminary that they didn't want to know their grades.  They would accept any comments but they didn't want to see the grade.  He said this was very freeing to him.  It freed him to enjoy and concentrate on the experience of learning. 

I am so thankful to have a professor who is so passionate about the old testament.  Today's revelation is that Grace comes before the Law.  So many times we think of the Old Testament as Law and the New Testament as Grace.  This is a flawed assumption.  It was God's grace that gave Israel the law via the Ten Commandments (or more literally, I learned, the Ten words)  The children of Israel were in the wilderness.  It wasn't like our idea of wilderness trips in the Jeep, four wheeling in the mud and showing off our virility.  It was a dangerous place to be.  A place without food and without water, with scary creatures.  It was a place away from the towns and the governments that provide structure.  It was a place of chaos and with the Ten Words and grace God gives order to the chaos.  Just as he ordered the world from chaos in the creation.  Just as he brought salvation to Noah and company out of the chaos brought by a flood.  God recreates, and recreates.   Why isn't that exactly what God did and is doing with me when he took me out of the chaos of a lost job, and uncertainties and placed me in the midst of this wonderful community called Candler School of Theology.  I think it is, God continues over and over again to order the chaos and to recreate us!  Praise Be to God! 

One last thing for the day.....I discovered one of the ghettos today.  I'm a bit surprised that it was the ghetto.  It didn't really feel like it.  I was anxious to get away from the school building today so went to McDonald's on Candler ave. to have a diet coke and read some Communalism in America.  I picked a quiet corner and planted myself there.  The manager, a young African American man, was the most enthusiastic manager I have ever experienced in a McDonald's.  He didn't stop talking the whole 2 hours that i was there.  "Way to go grill, good job getting those orders down."  he took a walk through the lobby "everything okay mam, can i get you anything."  I realized what was happening when toward the end of my visit he asked me my name and then told me I looked just like his former manager in Arkansas and he thought that I was there spying on him to see how he was making it as a manager.  Bless his heart.  That is not how I knew I was in the ghetto though.  Another young man came in.  He wanted to charge his phone.  He went to what he thought was an outlet and it appears there was once one there.  "do y'all not have any outlets."  "No." replied the young lady mopping the floor.  "When did that happen."  "I've been here 6 months and there have not been outlets."  "only in the ghetto would there be a place with free wi fi and no outlets."  That is how I found out I was in the ghetto.  I enjoyed my 2 hours in the ghetto today.   I might even go back.......if I survive this food hangover. 

Songs for the Soul

The School week ended this past week with a chapel service of music.  All kinds of music:  Organ music, African drums, Spirituals, Praise and worship.  My sould was full to the brim when I left that chapel.  Talents I didn't know existed were showcased.  Chill bumps covered my arms, tears welled up in my eyes, I fought a lump in my throat.  All of these symptoms of a joyous moment of awe that I am sitting where I am sitting.  I am at Emory University pursuing my MDIV after 30 years of obstacles leading to this very season.  I am in awe that I have a supportive family and supportive friends who are enabling me to be on this journey.  I am in Awe that in those 30 years of seeking, searching, coming near to giving up, that God never gave up on me but kept calling my name.  "Here I am LORD, send me!  I continue to listen to that still small voice and here is one of the things the still small voice said to me this week.  "Sometimes activism is necessary, Sometimes it is time to cry out to God and to the people for change."  The Israelites were in distress in the Wilderness and they cried out!  This summer I was asked to cry out simply by providing Chaplaincy services to a group of people who were staging a sit in over an issue that was oppresive to them.  I agreed that this was oppressive and change needed to take place.  However, I let fear speak instead of my voice speak.  I turned them down citing my family, possible television exposure, fear of retaliation from my denomination and such as my reason.  Persons I am aquainted with were arrested during this time and I was not there to be the hands and feet of God wrapping them up in love.  This past week at school I attended a meeting of sacred worth, an organization in Candler School of Theology which advocates for the sacred worth of ALL individuals.  On the agenda for this meeting was a vote as to whether or not the group should sign off on a letter requesting that Chick-Fil-A be removed from our campus due to it's financial support of organizations that are aggressive/oppressive to the GLBTQ community.  When this situation first hit the news I was not in support of boycotting Chick-Fil-A.  My belief is that one could interview the CEO of every business that business is conducted with and find some philanthropic endeaveor that is in conflict with ones on morals and values.  Why single out this one?  I had a conversation with my cousin about it later.  She pointed me to an article that alleges that one of the groups supported by Chick-Fil-A, The Family Research Council, was present in Uganda in support of legislation there that would make being GLBT a capitol offense.  While I have not researched the valdity of this claim, I am appaled at myself for not researching more before making a decision on how I would handle this issue in my own life.  So for now, like the children of Israel, I cry out!  Regardless of my beliefs regarding GLBT, I do know that I value the worth of all lives and that murder is not the just answer.  I continue to have conflictual feelings about activism as I tend to be a relationship builder seeking reconcilliation.  However, I will be less quick to judge activism in the future and more diligent about researching issues that others see as worthy of activism. 

Find Your Voice, Sing your Song.......

What promised to be a very stressful week with a 277 page book to read, 2 assignments due and my first major graduate school exam in Old Testament turned to be the most blessed week of the year starting withEmmanuel Lartey's Sermon in chapel on Tuesday.  You must listen.  It was unbelievable.  Wednesday I spent the morning reading my 277 page book at Barnes and Nobles where I discovered Southwest Quiche and had a Banana Strawberry Smoothie to go with it!  By the time I left there I was mostly finished with my 277 page book and was prepared to go defend free love as an assignment for my Communalism in America Class.  What was so amazing about that experience was that we were in a safe space to be able to discuss such controversial matters that would have never come up at SBTS where I attended 20 years ago without major repercussions to the professor.  These are all discussions that could come up in our careers with various people so it is certainly a discussion we should be opening our minds up to and wrestling with.  Wednesday night I gathered with my WNC classmates to study for the exam.  I am so glad to have these two wonderful individuals in my life to share pizza, wings, stories and study with!  I returned home Wednesday night and retreated to my room to continue my studies.  At midnight my body told me it was time to go to sleep.  I laid down and pretended to give it what it wanted but along with all my classmates, my mind was not willing.  It sounds like we all spent the night laying awake, our minds too full of anticipation to go to sleep.  I awoke to my alarm clock at 5:00 Am and was at the train station by 6:15 AM arriving at school at 7:00.  On the train I read a facebook post from our Student council president stating that he was praying for the first year students as we take our first "celebration of learning."  What a great reframe and fresh perspective.  When I arrived at school I stopped by the food court for a chick fil-a biscuit (no haters please, it was the quickest thing and they sure do taste good.) and a boost of caffeine.  From there I headed to the classroom to do last minute reading.  I was not the only one who opted for an early arrival.  The classroom was already full at 7:15 AM for an 8:00 AM class.  We all sat quietly looking over notes and anticipating when an announcement came into the classroom via a 2nd year student that Dunkin Donuts and coffee were available courtesy of the 2nd year students.  What a grand community I have landed myself in.  We took the exam as the minutes ticked away on the big screen in front of us.  5 identification questions, 6 or 7 matching questions, 2 name the source passages and 2 of 3 essay questions (worth 80% of the grade) I read the test through twice.  I then knocked out the quickest and moved onto the essays.  As I began writing I realized that I knew more than I thought about the way the Pentateuch was formed and the promises/threats of Abraham's time.  My friend Aryn was one of the first if not the first to finish.  Little by little as the clock approached 9:20, we began filing out of the class room and the lobby and halls were abuzz.  We were all a bit relieved I think.  We had all come to the realization that we have learned some stuff in the last 3-4 weeks.  We had survived and we definitely were more connected to each other having gone through this experience.  Although I had an assignment due for my 1:00 class, I decided that going to Chapel to be in God's presence and to thank him for the miracles I had seen occur was a must and boy am I glad I went.  My friend Marcus and his friend played African drums, we had an old testament theme in most all that we experienced in Chapel.  The highlight was Noel Erskines well presented sermon.    This is another must listen for you!     To give you a preview His sermon was based mostly on the psalms and it was about each of us having our own unique voice and our own unique song to sing.  He challenged us to rid ourselves of our parent's voices, our professors voices, our mentor's voices, our pastors' voices and to discover our voice and our song!  I have some clues as to what song I must sing though God and I are still in conversation about it.  What about you......have you discovered your unique voice and song? 

Praise be to God for I have been waiting for 30 years for such a time as this. 

3 Important Lessons

In the midst of learning about the significance of water in the OT, Johan Wesley and his pals, Martyrs, and the Shakers I learned three other very important lessons during my 3rd full week of school. 

1. Graduate Students should not eat in the main cafeteria.  I purchased a meal plan which includes three "swipes" at the DUC (the main cafeteria).  I looked at the menu Wednesday night and decided I would use one of my swipes.  I gave my Emory Id to the cashier who didn't swipe it quite right.  She stated "that was a parent card right?"  Translated:  "you're too old."  This was confirmed once my swipe "took" and I was granted passage into the food frenzy.  Lines here and there with little rhyme nor reason and kids, kids, kids everywhere.  I think I shall use the rest of my swipes at Breakfast time when the undergrads are still sleeping. 
2. Don't wait until 6:30 PM to leave for Atlanta in a rain storm.  It took me almost 4 hours to get to Gainesville and I finally stopped and spent the night there.  The dark roads of Tullulah Falls and Rabun do not shine very brightly in dark rain. 
3. The Marta after 9:00 is a totally different experience then the MARTA in the daylight.  The car should be picked up and driven back to campus when you are going to be there late.  Otherwise, you will be listening to stories that are non-chalantley being told about people getting shot. 

Facebook in the 3rd century b.c.e.

I giggled to myself and then outloud as I read for my History of Christian thought class on Wednesday night.  It occured to me that the same arguments that Christians have with each other today have been going on since the beginning of time.  I read and reread the paragraph as though I were experiencing dejavu.  My Uncle Stan is my mentor.  He is the one who helped me as a teenager get beyond the knowledge of the Bible and to the application of what the stories teach us.  Many would call him a bleeding heart liberal.  I call him one of the finest Christians I know who truly lives with the most integrity of anyone I have ever come across.  He writes a daily blog at www.inourelements.com.  Frequently a long debate will follow on facebook following the sharing of one of his blogs.  As I read the paragraph again from

Ferguson, Everett (2009-08-30). Church History ,Volume One: From Christ to Pre-Reformation: The Rise and Growth of the Church in Its Cultural, Intellectual, and Political Context (Kindle Locations 2642-2644). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

I told my cousin that I just had to share this with her because it read so much like a Stan facebook debate.  If there were face book in the 2nd or 3rd century B.C.E the above referenced passage would read like this:

Hippolytus:  (labeled a rigorist)  certain sinners such as mrderers and adulterers can not be reconciled to the church, some sins only God could forgive.
 
     comment:  Calistus (labled a laxist) the church is able to forgive such and readmit them to the fellowship of the church.

     comment:  Hippolytus:  How could you conive to condone adultery and murder. 

Here we are some 2010 years later having the same kind of rigorist vs. laxist arguments.  Makes me wonder if we will ever have true kingdom "on earth as it is in heaven." 

From Sea to Shining........Pond

Thursday August 30 was Convocation, the first chapel service of the semester.  I learned that there must be an unspoken rule about backpacks during chapel for when I arrived I arrived through a sea of backpacks that had been checked at the door.  The chapel was full, almost Standing room only.  First year students, eager to participate, 2nd and third year students excited to be back on campus and among friends.  There was lots of pomp and circumstance as the faculty was ushered in wearing their best robes and hoods.  Classes had begun the day before but for many this was the first day of class with only 1 or 2 classes under their belts.  The room was full of excitement and anticipation.  Tuesday, September 4th as I approached the chapel door I noticed that the sea of backpacks had dwindled to more like a lake of backpacks.  We had been to every class at least once.  Everyone had spent the weekend trying to figure out a rhythm for getting the reading done.  Fear had set in for some as the realized the intimate nature of some of their classes and the weight of reading in others.  There was less Pomp and circumstances.  Tuesdays are a service of word and table.  We came to the table together with all of our fears and anticipations.  Thursday September 6th as I approached chapel I noticed that no longer were there a sea of backpacks or a lake of backpacks but more like a pond of backpacks.  I heard a couple of people make statements about skipping chapel, lack of sleep, the need to read.  I understood.  I was exhausted having had a written assignment due that day and our first quiz.  I had fought sleep during my first two classes that morning.  At one point I embarrassingly shook myself awake.  My classmates either didn't notice or allowed me to keep my dignity one.  I'm not sure which.  I plugged on to chapel though and I am glad I went.  For a listen into the intriguing words given by Tom Long follow this link:  http://itunes.apple.com/us/itunes-u/tom-longs-sermon-9-6-12/id422868582?i=120320996.   Because none of my text books have an audible version the current book playing in my car is Steven Covey's 7 habits of highly effective people.  It it he quotes Martin Luther saying "There is much work to be done today, I need to spend another hour on my knees."  That resonates much.  My fellow journeymen and journeywomen, there is too much work to be done not to take the time out to feed your spirit daily.  If chapel is not your thing please make sure you take the time out in some other way during the day.  The spirit will be our lifeline over the next 3 years, let's not neglect it. 

Pedagogical

My new word for the day:  Pedagogical.  I began my 8:00 AM Old Testament class today.  Thank goodness Professor/Dr. Lemone is engaging and commical.  He used the word Pedogical at least 10 times.  I broke the rules of not being on the internet to quickly google the word from my phone.  If he is using it that many times it must be an important word.  What does it mean?  Well here is a sentence it was used in loosely quoted:  "There will be great pedogical benefit for you to have the Eerdmens dictionary of the bible sitting right with your Bible."  See what you come up with readers......I want you to have to look as well.  Part of our grade from this class will come through doing 2 facebook posts a week.  How about that? 

My classes actually began yesterday with an elective I'm taking called Communalism in America.  It too was a great experience.  A funny encounter happened prior to the class as I sat outside.  I was approached by another 1st year student who asked me why I wanted to take this class.  I shared with her my desire to bring the church back to the community.  She then told me she had no idea why she was taking the class.  She went onto to tell me of her experience of researching a communal community and how she had to stop her study of them because she is just too conservative for that.  She stated for her Jesus is the only way to God and continued to talk about her conservative views.  I just sat and smiled.  She is a very nice and engaging lady full of enthusiasm.  I chuckled inside knowing that she was talking to someone whom she would probably view as quite liberal though I don't like the defining myself with such labels.  The story gets funnier.  We had to go around the class and introduce ourselves, our denominational affiliation and any experience we have had with community or what resonated with us about this course.  The very first student's response was that she had found community with the GLBT community.  Talk about polar opposites in the same class.  The class was about 1/3 white, 1/3 African American, and 1/3 international.  There were Pentecostals, Methodists, Presbyterians and catholics represented.  At break the "conservative" girl exclaimed her shock at how diverse the class was.  I shared with her that Emory's reputation for diversity is what drew me there and I was surprised she was surprised by the diversity.  It was a great exchange.  This past Sunday at Longs Chapel Chuck shared the story of the calling of both Simon and Matthew as disciples.  Simon, a zealot with little use for tax collectors and Matthew a tax collector.  Polar opposites chosen by Jesus to live life together.  Perhaps this lady is my Simon and I, her Matthew.  We shall see.  The best quote from this class by the professor was "you need to read religion and sexuality all the way through and do not skim it, a book about sex is not something you want to skim for you might miss something."    I also learned of the L'arche communities in this class and am intrigued to learn more. 

Today I also had my first history of Methodism class and history 501:  Introduction to Christian Thought.  I learned of some new resources.  Met some more people and came home with hundreds of pages of reading to do before I return on Tuesday. 

I'm home: tired and full but excited to discover the pedagogical benefits of this journey. 

Sandpaper Tounges and Nodding Off

I started this blog yesterday on the bus when I was supposed to be doing a "contemplative" exercise.  I "contemplated" on the bus and the train as I went to retrieve my car, realizing that I was not going to be finished at school until after the last shuttle left campus.  I gave myself an hour and a half to do that but realized that was not enough time due to traffic delays and waits at the shuttle stop and the train station.  What I've discovered is that the morning commute is much quicker than the afternoon commute.  I am only a block from the train station but have still chosen to drive there which seems somewhat silly being that I basically pull out of the driveway and make a u turn into the train station parking lot.  However, that is what I am comfortable with at the moment. 

Yesterday was a long day courtesy of my two new roomates Cuza and Inca.  They are my cousin's two Sphynx cats.  I have invaded their room and they are not too sure what to think of it.  Cuza seems pretty okay with it, he found a comfortable spot to rest upon my suitcase and was content.  Inca, however, had to explore this human invasion of his space from head to toe, many times.  He began his protest by crying very loudly and sounding quite like a baby who had just been pinched.  I ignored the cries and then he took to his exploration.  His nose is long and pointy and fits perfectly into my ear canal.  He explored my ear canal several times and inbetween I would feel sandpaper on my neck.  The last time I checked my clock the first night it was 1:40 AM.  I suppose she slept after that or I was just too tired to notice.  The sandpaper woke me up before the alarm went off at 6:00 AM and my first day began.

After a light breakfast the day began with a walk to Cannon Chapel where we would begin the day with worship.  The worship was awesome.  It was the perfect blend of the reverence of traditional and the joy of contemporary.  The energy was contagious.  I look forward to these experiences which I believe happen almost daily. 

Following worship there was a plenery session about thinking theologically.   Four professors took a passage of scripture and illlustrated how they would think about that passage theologically from their particular area of expertise.  A very interesting exercise, I believe.  I spent most of the hour and a half fighting the sleeplessness effects from the night before.  You know that moment when you feel like you are falling only to be stopped by the jerk of your nodding head.  Yep, that was me.  Fortunately lunch time gave me the opportunity to refuel and I had enough energy to engage in the rest of the day. 

The most helpful of the orientation thusfar were sessions today regarding the use of the library and a brief workshop on writing.  We were fed well again today and even given ice-cream.  They have let us know the feeding stops next week.  

I have read my first syllabus and began to feel a tad bit overwhelmed.  I've met many people.  I've reflected on the passage of scripture when Jesus tells Peter that he is going to make him a fisher of people.  A few things struck me as I reflected.  1.  Jesus used what was immediately available to him when he had a need.  2.  Peter immediately followed Jesus.  3.  Peter left all that he had.  Guilt came over me for not immediatley following God's call on my own life.  I sit here 30 years later just starting toward the realization of the dream.  I can honestly say though that I believe those 30 years have shaped me into a very different minister than I would have been had I not had the life experiences the last 30 years have brought me.  I believe when I've needed to, I have used what was immediately availalbe to me through the lay speaking program and the online ordination.  I feel guilt as well over my lack of faith shown by trying to find the easy way out, trying to avoid seminary all together.  I'm thankful for the pushes that I recieved.  I am excited to be living this dream.  

I can tell that this is going to be life changing in more ways than one.  It appears likely with all the walking that I am going to have to be healthier.  My friend, Marlboro, is not even welcome on campus so that is another plus. 

I think back on my first seminary experience and the friendships that were made and I look forward to the people this experience is bringing into my life.  

David has done well with the person who is caring for him this week and for that I am most grateful! 

Another "scholarship"  surprise came to me today through the major generosity of a friend.  I am feeling blessed, overwhelmed, tired and excited all at once.  Tomorrow afternoon I return home to NC for the weekend.  I'm ready to see my family.  I am ready to plug into them so that I have the energy for another week. 

Stay tuned......

Breaking up is hard to do.......

As I begin this new journey today I am breaking up with a friend I've had for nearly 30 years.  He has been both a good friend and a bad friend.  He has provided comfort through the hard times.  He has provided conversation starters in the awkward times.   In the beginning of our relationship I thought he was very cool.  Not so much anymore, the days of him looking cool have slowly died away.  I met him through my grandmother.  She had quite a fondness for him too.  Our mutual admiration of him made she and I that much closer.  My grandfather thought she had given him up but I would bring him around to see her when she asked for him.  I came to realize he wasn't good for me.  This realization came several years ago when I realized that I didn't want the preacher to see me with him.  I broke up with him then.  We stayed apart for 3 years, 4 months and 30 days.  I let him back in my life when my nephew died.  He was there for me and provided me comfort through the night.  I thought I would just keep him around until I got through Jax's death but here it is 3 years and 22 days later and he's still with me every day.  He is not good for me though and we must part ways.  He stinks.  He does not respect my health.  He is not a good example to my son or my nieces and nephews.  So, today is the day.  A new day, a new journey, a new life.  A lifegiving life rather than a lifetaking life.  So long Marlboro.  Breaking up is hard to do but I know with God's strength I can do it and this time you won't be let back in. 

Thankful

I got the best quote from a friend today: It always takes a step of faith to get to the Promised Land. Always. And if you wait until you're unafraid, you'll never cross. Go for your Promised Land, friend. Let nothing hold you back. Put your feet into that water and feel the dry ground of God's goodness. You can do this with Him-one step at a time. "With God all things are possible." ~Holley Gerth~

I have so much to be thankful for as I embark on this midlife journey to Emory.

1.  Parents who raised me in the faith and planted those seeds. I've often said I exited the womb singing Hymns.
2.  Siblings who put up with me "baptizing" them in the bath-tub.
3.  Sunday School teachers who committed their lives to teaching.
4.  An Uncle who taught me the social gospel and who has been my number one mentor and cheerleader all in one among so many other things. Stan has also agreed to jump in and take care of David until I can find respite in Haywood County.
5.  Nancy Sehested who recognized in me a gift she trusted enough to allow me to preach my first sermon from her pulpit.
6.  Children's church teachers who tolerated my "mini hell-fire and brimstone sermons."
7.  School friends who allowed me to "witness to them" and quote "Here's hope" to them.
8. Rob Fuquay who encouraged me to go to lay speaking training.
9. The pastors who trusted me to call me to fill in for them once I received the training
10.  Al Ward who encouraged me to not take the "easy" way out but to consider finding a way to go back to seminary.
11. Chuck Wilson who had the courage to encourage me.
12. Alan Mears who gave me opportunities to minister alongside of him.
13.  Caroline Merrell whose smile and words always lifted me up.
14.  Ken Carter who suggested I consider Emory, a dream that I didn't believe was attainable and told me how it was attainable.
15. The friendship class who always honors their name in being some of the best friends I've ever had.
16. A friend who trusted me enough to call on me regarding her spiritual life which sparked off a set of events that have me where I am today.
17. Dana Trull who is brave enough to say yes to taking care of David the week of orientation.
18.  My cousin Jessica and her husband Donald who are making room for me in their home.
19.  A couple from my new church who are going to provide short term care for David on Thursday evenings until I get home from Atlanta.
20. Amy Spivey for mentoring me and encouraging me and supporting me.
21. Rennie Salata for welcoming me into his congregation with open arms.
22. The biggest Thanks of all in human form goes to my room-mate and my son who have had very little say in this decision and are probably scared to death with all the changes that are resulting in their lives for the next 3 years.
23. Finally the grandest of them all go to my great, awesome, magnificent GOD! Who woke me up from my sleep and told me to get to work!

New Beginnings

Beginning next week I take another step on this long Journey I call THE CALL. 30 years ago I felt God's call on my life to enter into full time ministry. Along the way I've allowed obstacles to knock me off the path. In 2005 God awoke me from my sleep with the scripture reference revelation 3:2 on my mind. I had not recently read revelation and this was not a passage of scripture I had studied or put to memory so I knew it was not coming from my sub-conscious but from God. I got up and read it. It read: “Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God.” I can’t imagine a clearer message. I got up and emailed my pastor the next morning. God had given me urgency about finishing what he had started in me as a pre-teen. Here we are 7 years later and I have been climbing this mountain one small foothold at a time since. I have been certified as a lay speaker, I received an online ordination in order to accommodate requests from people for me to do their weddings and such. I’ve put myself before committees. I’ve endured disappointments; I’ve received advice and encouragements. I tried to find easy routes. I tried to keep things safe and comfortable not only for myself but for my family as well. Then it happened. In September of 2011 I lost my job. The job that granted me all that safety and comfort. The career that I had built for the last 18 years. I was now faced with a choice. Do, I stay on the same career path or do I take a major leap of faith. I began researching both paths and as a result of that research here is where I am today. On Tuesday, August 21st I will arrive on campus of Emory University’s Candler School of Theology will I will begin orientation as an incoming Master of Divinity Student. I will be commuting back and forth each week from my home in Canton, NC to Emory in Atlanta. While in Atlanta I will be staying with my very gracious cousin, Jessica and her husband Donald. I am currently in the candidacy process for the United Methodist Church and am in hopes that I will be a certified candidate by June of 2013 so that I can participate in the Teaching Parish Program which will enable me to do my contextual education through a paid appointment as pastor of a local church. I’ve put all of this in God’s hand and God has provided well. Not only did I get accepted into the program but I also received a Sherman Scholarship covering all of my tuition. I have also received a scholarship from the WNC Emory Club that will cover my books. I am hopeful that other scholarships will come next year that will cover all of my expenses. This year I am praying for the funding for my health insurance, my living expenses, food, and gas. For those who feel called to support me in those areas I will be posting information on how soon. This blog is being created as my way of journaling my seminary experience. I will continue to post sermons and reflections on scripture in the Daily Ponderings in the Word Blog but this blog will be where you can track my seminary experiences if you so desire. Your prayers for me and my family during this major time of transition are greatly appreciated. Look for the next post on Tuesday the 21st.