When I was a child, I
took several years of piano lessons. My
mom bought a piano book called Color Me Pops.
I used to sit at the piano in our living room and play through and sing
the songs in that book pretending I was a beloved bar singer, playing for the
crowd. One of my favorite songs to sing
out of that book was The Greatest Love of All, Before the Whitney Houston
version.
I would get to the chorus
and would belt out, in my strongest voice, “I decided long ago, never to walk
in anyone’s shadow/ If I fail, If I succeed at least, I have my dignity……..Because
the greatest love of all is inside of me.”
I sang it like I believed it. I
sang it like if I sang it loud enough and strong enough, it would be true.
The truth is, I have
struggled most of my life with not believing I was enough. I have struggled with loving myself. I was an awkward child. I beat to the tune of my own drum. In many ways it was true that I did not walk
in anyone’s shadow. I did not follow any
certain crowd. I was happiest when I was
outside playing in the woods, turning rocks over in the creek in search of
crawdads, riding my bike and making ramps to jump, hitting the tennis ball
against the back wall, or throwing a softball against the back wall. I could entertain myself for hours in these
ways. I was not good at sports, I was
not a gifted academic, and while I loved sitting at that piano and singing my
heart out, I was not going to win a talent show.
I am in a season of life
right now when I am examining this struggle.
The struggle shows its ugly head in my inability to care for myself in
the ways that I care for others. The
struggle developed into Co-Dependency long ago, probably starting early in high
school. Since that time there have been
a succession of people who I have displayed co-dependent behaviors with. I am challenging myself in this season to
overcome these behaviors. I am challenging
myself to discover who I really am and what I truly believe. To be honest it is an exciting journey.
Yesterday as I was
driving the words to the song intruded my thought space. I try to pay attention when that
happens. Especially if it is a song I have
not heard in a long time. What is the Divine
Spirit speaking to me through this song?
I have been going through the 30 Shamanic Questions with a friend
recently. The latest question was who do
you want your higher power to be? This
is a question I have never pondered but I am realizing lately that I need to be
able to define who God is to me. I am
growing more and more uncomfortable with the God that is portrayed in much or our
Old Testament Scripture. I believe the
writers of those stories must have attributed things to God that were not of
God, much like we still do today.
I John 4:7-8 is one of
the mantra’s I try to live by. Beloved,
let us Love One Another, for love is of God and everyone that loves is born of
God and Loves God. He that loves not,
knows not God for God is Love. I
started reading The Color Purple today.
In the prelude to the book, Alice Walker, explains that the core
teaching of the book is that she believes “God is everything. Everything that is or ever was or ever will
be. And when you can feel that, and be
happy to feel that, you’ve found that. She further states that the Color Purple transforms
God from a Patriarchal White Supremacist into trees, stars, wind, and everything
else. She goes on to explain that the
book’s intent was to explore the difficult path of someone who starts out in life
already spiritually captive, but who, through her own courage and the help of
others breaks free into the realization that she, like nature itself, is a
radiant expression of the heretofore perceived quite distant divine.” Yes!
This! God is love and that love
is in ALL! That love is inside of me and
it is the Greatest Love!
I was reading another book today, The Incitement of Joy. Low and behold within those pages was the
mention of The Greatest Love of ALL. That
is the message the Spirit is showering me with right now. The Greatest Love is indeed inside of me and
you, and Everything!
